Be good, or there will be no Santa this year. According to a new poll, it’s a common bribe/threat parents are still telling their kids that. Experts, however, explain that — as a parenting strategy — it’s far more naughty than nice.
The University of Michigan recently completed a poll for its C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital on parent views concerning discipline. The survey featured a nationally representative sample of parents with at least one child age 1-5. Of the 725 parents who responded, 59% said they sometimes bribe a misbehaving child. Almost 10% said they often do.
Nearly half of parents to children ages 1-2 said they threaten to take away toys, compared to 85% of parents to little ones ages 3-5. Nearly a quarter of parents to kids ages 3-5 have threatened there would be no Santa, compared to 7% of parents to tots ages 1-2.
“Some parents in this Mott Poll reported using discipline strategies that experts do not recommend,” according to the survey report. “This includes making threats to leave an activity, take away the child’s toys, or tell Santa not to come. All too often, parents do not follow through on these threats, and children soon learn to ignore their parent’s attempts at discipline. Immediate consequences linked to the misbehavior, rather than empty threats, will boost parent credibility while helping children learn.”
That being said, a lot of parents said they believed their strategies were sound.
“Most parents believe their discipline strategies are effective (38% very effective, 57% somewhat effective), with only 5% indicating they are not effective at all,” the report said. “Most parents rate themselves as either very consistent (49%) or somewhat consistent (45%) in disciplining their child. Parents say it is difficult to be consistent because the child is too young to understand (49%), strategies don’t always work (42%), parents don’t want their child to have a tantrum in public (31%); or that parents get too irritated when their child misbehaves (25%), react before remembering their strategies (25%), or are too tired to be consistent (24%).”
Breaking down the report, Mott pediatrician and Mott Poll co-director Dr. Susan Woolford explained it’s important that parents avoid using the holidays or presents as bargaining chips with their children.
“Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong,” she said in a news release. “Empty threats, however, undermine trust and credibility and aren’t usually effective. Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long term behavior.”
To remedy this, the university’s medical center suggested parents of 1- to 2-year-olds focus on using distraction and misdirection to course correct their actions. For kids a little older, parents should emphasize the logical consequences of their misbehavior.
A child who spills a drink out of anger, for instance, should clean up their own mess immediately to establish consequences.
“As children grow, their responses to discipline will also change, so parents should adapt their strategies and stay open to new approaches,” Woolford said. “Balancing correction with positive reinforcement — like praise and rewards — helps children build self-esteem while learning from their mistakes.”
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