“Who TF Did I Marry?,” a juicy 50-part TikTok series by Atlantan Reesa Teesa, chronicled her former marriage to a man she described as a “pathological liar.” The woman, whose real name is Tareasa Johnson, said her ex-husband — whom she referred to as Legion — lied about his job and social security number, among other things. (Jerome McCoy, a man identifying himself as Legion, has denied all the claims and threatened legal action.) In turn, Johnson has garnered millions of followers. A TV show based on her experience is in development.

Months later, female hedonism ruled the summer with incessant lime green-coded memes and TikTok videos of women embracing rebellious and defiant attitudes, thanks to Charli XCX’s epic “Brat” album. (Even former Vice President Kamala Harris got into the action during her campaign against now President Donald Trump.) Women’s vows to decenter men in their lives grew louder. A conscious effort to deprioritize approval and validation from men has been embraced by many young women making social media content about everything from celibacy to spirituality.

And now, with Donald Trump’s second presidential term in full swing, something more radical has emerged: 4B. The South Korean feminist movement — rooted in following the four B’s: no men, no sex, no dating, no children — became a TikTok sensation after the election. For some Black women in Atlanta, the viral moment became yet another reminder that maybe romance with men is not in their best interest.

Instead, those women are pouring that energy where they want it the most: into themselves. The lesson? Simple. A woman’s happiness isn’t dictated by a man’s presence. In fact, some women feel they might be better off without it.

“Women are seeing how patriarchy is manifesting in their everyday lives — through social interactions, through dating, through sex with men — and they’re realizing they’re not getting anything from it,” said Veronica Newton, a sociology professor at Georgia State University. “It’s actually more laborious and tiring than it is exciting, so I get it. They’ve drawn a line in the sand.”

More than a trend

Credit: Jenni Girtman

Credit: Jenni Girtman

Cece Barrett was 27 when she gave birth to her only child, a daughter. The life-changing moment sparked a period of self-discovery for the Midtown resident. Barrett wanted to understand who she was outside of being a girlfriend and a mother.

So, she started hosting gatherings at her home for women who wanted to do the same. They’d laugh, cry, eat, create and dance to the beat of their own tune. On their own terms. Barrett found comfort knowing she didn’t have to worry about performing stereotypical perceptions of how a woman should be. She could simply be herself. As a result, those events became a source of healing. They were the impetus for her now decade-long lifestyle of decentering men.

That doesn’t mean she stopped talking to men or loving them. But it does mean they’re perspectives and desires do not rule her life.

“I did spend a lot of time feeling like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do as a girlfriend, and I’m playing by the rules, and this is not working the way I was promised,” said Barrett, reflecting on life in her early 20s. “Society tells women that we’re going to run off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I don’t want to audition as a girlfriend to make it as a wife so that I can cook and clean.”

Today, Barrett, 37, shares her feminist thoughts online with nearly 40,000 followers on X. She also continues to host women-centered events. And now she wants to create a commune in Costa Rica for women.

BalVida will feature a mix of living arrangements that will host women from around the world. There will be amenities like a pool and a teaching space. Construction for the first phase of the self-funded project will start this year. Barrett hopes everything will be completed by 2026.

And she hopes her plans inspire more women-centered spaces.

“The main benefit that we get from having these women-only spaces is getting clarity and getting to take a step back and undo all these narratives that you’ve been told about who you should be as a woman, as a wife, as a girlfriend, as a friend, as a sister, as a daughter,” she said.

Tera Chantelle of College Park feels the same. A follower of the 4B movement, the 30-year-old has practiced celibacy since her early 20s. She’s been single for just as long.

She wants to dismantle the misconception that women without romantic relationships lack value. By not focusing on a romantic companion, she has been able to nurture hobbies like comedy and reading. She’s also in the process of becoming a yoga instructor.

“Some people don’t value platonic relationships because they have centered romance to some sort of extreme, and it’s truly not healthy,” she said. “Now, you are isolating yourself from the community. You are isolating yourself from family. You’re isolating yourself from friends.”

She knows 4B isn’t a one-size-fits-all lifestyle. “But if we want to start a revolution, it starts with you taking responsibility for yourself.”

Credit: Handout

Credit: Handout

‘We’re not living to get chosen’

For Veronica Newton, trap feminism — a subset of feminism that incorporates the sex positive and self-affirming aspects of trap music — is a helpful frame to better understand the appeal of movements like 4B and decentering men, especially for Black women.

She cites the success of Southern female rappers GloRilla and Megan Thee Stallion as evidence of how feminist themes are guiding the pop cultural zeitgeist. Last year, Newton coauthored “The Sociology of Cardi B: a Trap Feminist Approach,” which uses the rapper’s public life to understand systems of oppression against Black women. The book highlights the rapper’s raunchy lyricism and her staunch political engagement, proving that Black women can be more than just one thing. She can both rap about women’s sexuality and lead a sit-down interview with U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders.

While interest in 4B and decentering men is on the rise and seems born of this moment in time, there is a historical basis for it.

In 1981’s “Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism,” the late scholar and critic bell hooks wrote extensively about sexism against Black female slaves based on her research.

“Most Black male slaves stood quietly by as white masters sexually assaulted and brutalized Black women and were not compelled to act as protectors,” she wrote. “Their first instincts were toward self-preservation.”

It’s actions like those that have laid the foundation for the myriad ways in which Black women continue to face misogyny in violent ways today, making 4B and decentering men sound like a choice of safety for some.

“A lot of Black feminists have been working and writing for centuries about what it means to be a feminist and what that means for Black women in particular, and it does mean to decenter men right from our lives and that we’re not acquiescing to the patriarchy,” said Newton, citing the work of feminist pioneers like Patricia Hill Collins and the Combahee River Collective, a collective of Black feminist visionaries formed in the 1970s. “We’re not living to get chosen.”

For some Black women, the 2024 presidential election was the final straw, says Newton.

She said election results, which saw 92% of Black women voters casting ballots for Kamala Harris (more than any other demographic) against Trump, were another reminder of Black women overwhelmingly taking a stance against conservative values and its history of antigay sentiment and limiting reproductive rights.

“I do think we are fed up with trying to help everyone else without others helping us, and so no one’s coming to the aid of Black women,” Newton said. “So why am I marrying you? Why am I going on dates with you?”

Credit: Handout

Credit: Handout

Jean-Baptiste Banks, 24, said the election results altered her relationship with men. She learned of the 4B movement three years ago and found that her lifestyle already mirrored it, with the exception of dating.

After the election, she stopped dating entirely. As a Black woman, she feels like her best option is to simply choose herself. Instead of a romantic relationship, she prioritizes her community of friends and growing her audience on Substack.

“I feel like the pressure is more on for Black women to have a partner. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you get married, have the baby, you’re going to get praised for it, but you might not see the community you want. Or, if you have the baby and don’t get married, you’re going to receive all the backlash. You really can’t win. The best you can do for yourself is just live in your truth.”

Newton is curious to see how many more Black women will embrace the movement in years to come. She welcomes them with open arms. And she has the handy-dandy playlist to match.

“I think that it’s important to know that feminism is about choice and it’s about your voice. That’s really the 4B package, so I say throw on some GloRilla, get in your car, honey, and live your best life.”