Like many, Carolyn Lee Wills has girlfriends who want to date but “they don’t know where to find a man,” she said. “They’re trying to figure out the Internet but it’s hard.”
The difficulty of finding a great mate is the lament of singles everywhere, but it’s especially hard when, like Willis, a retired Eastern Air Lines executive, you’re past 65. Not every 60-plus woman can go on ABC’s “The Golden Bachelor” and vie for the heart of a handsome retiree who hardly looks his 71 years.
“It’s an interesting life stage. So many seniors have to be single-minded about this endeavor and do some serious fine-turning to attract someone,” said Karla Moore, a matchmaker and dating coach for Nine GPS, a service that bills itself as helping “singles of all kinds find love in an exceedingly complicated dating and relationship world.”
“Getting older is not a downer,” Moore said. “Dating in your 60s, 70s, 80s and even 90s is normal with all the desires everyone has to get a mate.”
There is no age limit in having someone special on Valentine’s Day or agonizing over it.
Credit: TNS
Credit: TNS
Dating in your golden years, in many ways, is no different than in one’s youth. Sure, an opening line may be, “Is that the latest model hearing aid?” as opposed to, “What’s your major?” And the apprehension of introducing your potential mate to parents is replaced by introducing them to your children and grandchildren. But technology has changed the world of dating, and getting back into dating after being in a decades-old marriage is new and unsettling territory for many.
Exactly where does grandma go to find a new grandpa? What about grandpa?
Connecting through common interest groups
One time-honored way to hook up is to join a group of like-minded people such as Meetup that organizes and promotes events, such as dining or outdoor activities, that are aimed at seniors. Community organizations including the YMCA/YWCA, Latin American Association and Marcus Jewish Community Center of Atlanta offer senior programs.
Credit: Debbie Perdue
Credit: Debbie Perdue
Church, surprisingly, may not be a hotbed of senior mingling.
“You’d think a church would be a good place, but most don’t know what to do with singles,” said Debbie Perdue, a board member of Apex Christian Singles, a nondenominational association with 1,500 active members. “They’re interested in young families. We’re left out in the cold.”
Apex, which has a subgroup for widows and widowers, organizes a variety of activities. “We have all kinds of seniors going through all stages of their lives,” Perdue said. “We try to offer a safe place for people to come and meet other Christians. There’s no pressure; no speed dating.”
Members “want to meet people,” she said. “They may find themselves divorced after 40 years and don’t know what to do. They can’t navigate it, so we help them feel comfortable and explain the landscape of dating. Of course, it’s a bit different for those who lost a spouse. They’re grieving as well.”
Many municipalities offer senior activities.
“Women come to us because they like what we’re offering like dancing and exercise, while some of the men enjoy participating in whatever sports we offer,” said Magdalene Womack, program director for the City of Atlanta Office of Recreation, which has 14 locations. “There’s not a lot of hooking up but with the availability of the blue pill, a lot of men are more interested in women than before.”
Still, she said the centers offer a healthy outlet. “No one should be alone. So many seniors don’t venture out of their comfort zone and sit on the couch. They should go find a mate. Go for it.”
Proceed with caution online
Like the younger generation, seniors try their luck online but, for many, it’s new and scary territory. Moore strongly cautions against using dating apps “in a vacuum. They can lead down toxic rabbit holes. You can get caught up in catfish dynamics. Those environments can be tricky especially if you’re green and not really tech savvy.”
Seniors can easily get ghosted or charmed by a con artist. “Particularly with people 60 or older, you need to understand the subtleties and read between the lines,” said Moore of Nine GPS. “They’re very naive and haven’t been out in the world to understand how the game is played.”
After a “traumatic” divorce, Janet Givler, a nursing professional who is close to retiring, tried dating sites. “I got on a little too soon after my divorce. It was a disaster,” she said. “Men want instant chemistry or want to go to bed at once. I had to weed through a lot that weren’t great. I got scammed. It made me not trust men in some ways.”
She left the online dating world and joined Apex, which she found to be a better fit. She has gone on a few dates and continues to get to know people who participate in its events. “I’m committed to finding someone,” she said, “but I’m just kinda nervous.”
Credit: Brandon Amato
Credit: Brandon Amato
A club where a dance beats a drink
Not a lot of clubs cater to seniors. Johnny’s Hideway is the best known. “If you’re over 40, 50, 60, this is the place to meet,” owner Chris D’Auria said.
The Buckhead club plays a variety of music, including Big Band, shag and classic rock geared to a variety of generations. “People know that they’ll have a good time. We pride ourselves in making sure women feel safe. Our happy hour is a great way to get your feet wet again.”
D’Auria said he can always spot a recently single senior because “the men will have new clothes and dye their hair. Newly divorced women get their hair done and come in with friends.”
His advice for success — dance. “You can buy a woman drinks all night. They can buy their own drinks. But if you ask her to dance, even if you can’t dance, you’ll get them talking to you. You’ll make a friend at least.”
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
Friends, family and neighbors as cupids
Many seniors (perhaps the majority) connect — or re-connect — through family and friends. That was the case with Wills.
Friends introduced her to her beau who is “keeping me young,” she said. The two maintain separate households and enjoy dinner dates and Georgia Tech events. She was married for 44 years, and he was married for more than 50. Marriage isn’t in the cards because she would lose some of her late husband’s military benefits and membership in the Cherokee County Club, which as his widow, she retains. “I can’t afford to get married,” Wills laughed.
Melanie and John Haigwood, a photographer, were high school sweethearts who broke up, married others and saw each other twice in about 30 years, both times at the funerals of John’s parents.
At the funeral of a mutual friend, Melanie’s sister passed along Melanie’s number to John’s sister. Neither was in a solid marriage. “I called her and knew right away that we had a special relationship,” he said. “We went right back to where we were in high school.”
They didn’t waste time. From September 2019, when John called, they met, divorced and, in April 2020, eloped. In a Hallmark movie twist, John’s ex-wife married her high school sweetheart.
“You get to a point where you know,” Melanie Haigwood said. “Blending families was a bit tricky but now everyone’s happy. We have so many shared memories from growing up; he just knows me to my core. It was starting over but coming back home.”
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
When seniors do find a new Valentine, against what sometimes can seem like insurmountable odds, it’s heartwarming that they get to experience a loving new relationship in their golden years. And that’s true even when they don’t know exactly how to refer to their new status.
“I don’t know what to call him,” Wills laughed about her new life partner. “I’m 87 and I find it silly to call him my ‘boyfriend.’ He’s 94; he’s hardly a boy!”
INFORMATION FOR SENIORS
Nine GPS. 1197 Peachtree St., #511. 404-496-8293, nineGPS.com
YMCA and YWCA of Metro Atlanta. Various locations. ymcaatlanta.org, ywcaatlanta.org
Latin American Association. 27560 Buford Highway. 404-638-1800, thelaa.org
Marcus Jewish Community Center of Atlanta. 5342 Tilly Mill Road. 678-812-4000, atlantajcc.org
APEX Christian Singles. apexchristiansingles.org
City of Atlanta Office of Recreation. Various locations. 404-546-6813, atlantaga.gov.
Johnny’s Hideway. 3771 Roswell Road. 404-233-8026, johnnyshideway.com
