A quarter of the U.S. population has earned a second title as a generation that doesn’t involve birth year, according to Pew Research. The “sandwich generation” signifies a growing number of adults who care for elderly parents while still maintaining a household and/or a job, often while raising their children and possibly grandkids.
This demographic includes primarily middle-aged adults 40-59. It refers to those pinched between two generations — looking after a parent or two while planning for retirement or helping a child pay for college. Though equally important, these relationships offer an extra challenge, especially if you do not live in the same state or city as your parents.
Everyone’s situation is different, and finances can play a significant role in what steps you decide to take for your specific situation. Knowing that social services could be available to your aging loved ones can help alleviate some worries for your family system.
Many cities offer free social services for senior adults, and looking at the programs your local library offers is a great place to start.
“I just want to help them bridge the gap of technology,” said Xavier Simon, a library associate at the Peachtree Branch of the Fulton County Library System who started Tech Tuesdays about a year ago. “Things are moving so quickly and I enjoy giving a helping hand, and assisting them in catching them up to speed.”
Simon found that older patrons were coming in and asking for help to set up an email account or had questions about their iPhones. He saw a need to designate a certain time when he could offer this assistance.
“Technology is changing so quickly, and it is hard to understand all of it, especially when this age group didn’t grow up with computers like my generation did,” Simon said. “They always leave with more information than they came with and are very grateful for the assistance, and I enjoy helping them,”
The library plans to extend the hours of this service, as more senior adults have been coming in to seek help.
You may not need home care health services yet, but just a helping hand or a backup can make a world of difference.
In 2018, Paige Wilson’s mom, while in her early 70s, broke her hip. Wilson lived only five minutes away, but she was a single mom raising a teenager and had a demanding job in finance.
“It was hard, all of the little things,” she said. ”I couldn’t drop everything to go and help her reprogram her television remote.” Wilson noticed her mom asking for less and less and saw her mom’s world shrinking because she didn’t want to be a burden.
That’s when Wilson decided to start Naborforce, an Atlanta-based company that offers services to people with aging parents. It offers flexible and on-demand help with fully vetted staff who do not require long-term contracts. This can include running errands, cooking meals or just companionship.
Loneliness is a common ailment of our older generation. “These connections are what makes the business work,” Wilson said. “Everyone is seeking that human connection, which is at the business’s core. Our parents had help raising us, having other family or hired sitters, so it is no different.”
No matter your family situation or the level of support, you must take care of yourself before you can physically and emotionally care for others. Is this something only you can do, or have you conditioned your family to rely on you for tasks others could take over?
Prioritize the time you need to spend with your parents, going to important doctor’s appointments to ensure they have what they need and are taking the medication prescribed. This older generation may not advocate for themselves in medical settings, but their younger supports may have a better grasp. Younger people tend to advocate better for themselves, unlike past generations that were not as comfortable taking agency over their medical care and options.
Most seniors must have the medications they need and take them as directed. Getting automatic refills delivered to the house, which most insurance plans now offer and prefer, can be a huge time saver. You can purchase monthly or weekly pill sorters so they your parents don’t have to worry about that task day to day.
AARP offers tips on how to assist your aging parents from a medical standpoint and in several other ways, including finances and making sure your loved one isn’t susceptible to scams and their finances are not vulnerable.
Setting boundaries can be extremely helpful, such as communicating upfront before you become resentful while caring for parents and managing your home life. Talk about finances, schedules, and how much time and financial support you can offer. If you talk to your relative about their expectations versus what you can provide them, there is less chance of resentment and frustration as you move into this next phase of your lives.
Remember that “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to feel guilty or explain yourself to anyone, not your parents or other loved ones. How you spend your time and money is up to you.
Nedra Glover Tawwab is a therapist and author who talks about setting healthy boundaries with family members, including your children or a sibling you may be working with, to help you through this phase of your life.
In her book, Glover Tawwab gives concrete and simple ways to help empower you to set boundaries that will make you and those around you happier. All relationships take work, and her book “Set Boundaries. Find Peace,” offers some real-time valuable solutions to a sometimes frustrating situation.
According to the Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children and teens can gain self-confidence by pitching in around the house. It boosts their self-esteem and helps to show they are part of the family — and it can help you out. The skills children and teens learn at home can help set them up for success in other areas, such as school and work.
Remember that changing the family dynamic can sometimes be frustrating for everyone, and there may be a learning curve. However, keeping communication open and encouraging kids to support older relatives can be rewarding for all ages.
How to alleviate stress and set some boundaries
- Seek senior services in the area your parent lives. Many cities, including Atlanta, offer services that help people in the sandwich generation hire help for errands, chores, doctor appointments and even assisting with technology.
- Find a social group your parent may be interested in to reduce loneliness. Several community centers throughout the United States offer events, such as card clubs and exercise classes, that are free to senior adults. A simple Google search in your area can help you find what you are looking for, or look into the National Council on Aging and see what health benefits and services could be available.
- Chair yoga, Medicare information sessions, and other practical and sometimes fun events for seniors are offered at various Atlanta libraries in Fulton County. Many libraries also provide free book clubs and movie clubs for senior-specific groups.
- Silver Sneakers, an exercise program included in many Medicare plans, has several locations around metro Atlanta.
- Look into the services in your parent’s community to help with anything from transportation to financial help. Fulton County offers various transportation services for older adults. Look at the website to see what services could benefit you and your loved ones.
- Meals on Wheels may not be an option depending on the situation and finances, but it can be a saving grace for some. Even if you only use these services temporarily, this is a great way to supplement food for an older adult if they cannot cook or shop for themselves.
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