Diane Warner is a hand-holder. She loves to cuddle and be next to someone. She believes in romance. She believes a man should call and ask her on a date instead of texting.
Warner has been divorced for 11 years.
She has an active social life, is a member of civic clubs and groups in her community and has some great friends. But she’s finding it tough being a woman of a particular age on the dating scene.
“You meet people in the community at functions, but at many of those the people have dates,” she said. “As far as meeting gentlemen you’d like to have a relationship with, it’s difficult. I don’t do the bar scene. It’s so different now.”
Warner said she knows there are men out there who do know what chivalry is and who know how a woman wants to be treated, but she’s also encountered men who want to play games.
“The older you get, your feelings change, your thoughts change, everything changes,” she said. “I know what I want. I want someone who loves God and loves family and can support themselves.”
But it’s hard meeting people even as social as she is. Warner attends church regularly but again, she said, most of the men there are in relationships or are married.
She has some very close friends and tags along with them at social functions, but she said she feels that there is still a stigma attached to divorcees.
“When you’re single, a lot of women still have that stereotype in their head of a divorcee,” she said. “They don’t want that in their circle.”
She’s even tried online dating. A year after she divorced, her daughter helped her set up a profile on Match.com.
“I met some amazing men but I met some duds too,” she said. “Nothing ever developed romantically with any of the nice men I met, but I did make some good friendships through that, friendships I maintain to this day. I just didn’t find the one.”
Warner is still optimistic despite the frustrations of being an older woman in the dating scene. She is hopeful that she’ll meet a man who shares her passions and activities. Her favorite thing to do is walk in the woods. She loves to travel and attend social events.
For a date, an afternoon walk would be ideal.
“I think it’s important to talk and get to know someone,” she said. “If it turns into dinner that’s great too. You’ve got to get to know each other, spend time alone. You have to talk to see if there’s anything there that sparks your interest.”
And romance is important.
“Guys will text you to ask you out,” she said. “I’d much rather get a call. Pick me a wildflower and bring it to me. I like the romance.”
Allan Webster is also back in the dating game He was married for more than 30 years, but his wife passed away in 2016. Since then he said he’s found it a little difficult to date — not because of the availability of potential mates. It’s simply a different culture now.
“When I was a younger man and dating in the 70s, we didn’t have all the technology and apps and dating sites there are now,” said Webster, who is in his late 60s. “At that time you called a girl and you picked her up at her house and you’d go for a drive or to get something to eat and you brought her home at a certain time. It was simpler and you sort of knew what was expected of you.”
Now, he said, the dating scene is filled with much younger people who use apps and websites to scroll through dozens of photos and bios to quickly determine if someone is worth their time. It’s a little disappointing, he said. It’s impersonal and feels like a “meat market.”
A music lover, Websterenjoys going to concerts with his kids and friends at venues such as the Tabernacle, Variety Playhouse, or Cadence Bank Amphitheater at Chastain Park. He loves going to a variety of metro Atlanta bars and clubs to hear live music. He’s especially fond of singer/songwriter performances.
“And a lot of the time I’ll go to those places alone,” he said. “Partially it’s because I love the music so much that I don’t care if company is around. But partially it’s because I’m sort of hoping I might meet someone there who shares the same love of live music.”
But so far he hasn’t had any luck.
“I don’t think women my age are at concerts or bars by themselves,” he said. “A lot of the times they’re with friends so it’s tough to tell who is available or, more importantly, who’s interested in me. There are so many people in Atlanta that it’s hard to pick someone out of a crowd.”
Weber doesn’t know what the answer is. He’s tried a dating app but wasn’t successful in finding someone he thought he could form a meaningful relationship with. The women he was attracted to, he said, didn’t seem to share his interests. He’s also a big Atlanta Braves fan, loves classic cars, and likes taking his dog Barkley to Piedmont Park.
“I would be open to attending an event that was geared toward single people my age where everyone there is single and available and interested in talking,” he said. “I don’t know if you can just randomly meet someone that checks all those boxes. You would have to set up that particular situation.”
Ellis Raybon is in a slightly different boat than Warner and Webster.
The 58-year-old is single, but he’s not particularly interested in another long-term relationship following his divorce a few years ago.
“I’m not saying I’ll never get married again, but I really enjoy being single and having that freedom to do whatever I like and going wherever I want to,” he said.
Raybon enjoys going to breweries, bars, and restaurants in and around Atlanta — particularly the Battery at Truist Park — whether there’s a Braves game being played or not. He likes the activity and the bustle of a crowded club.
“I’ve never been the type to enjoy peace and quiet,” he said laughing. “That’s just not me. I like loud music, I like a lot of people around me. I like making new friends and I know that not everyone enjoys that. So I don’t mind being single. I have dated women in the past who say they can’t keep up with my lifestyle and I get it. But on the other hand, I don’t want to have to settle down just to make someone else happy.”
For now, he’s having a good time going to bars and meeting new people or casually dating from time to time but he doesn’t have any immediate plans to get into a serious relationship.
“Like I said I’m not opposed to a long-term relationship, but it’s not something I’m desperately looking for,” he said. “I’m really enjoying my friends and my freedom. That may seem unlikely for someone my age, but I’ve been in a marriage and it was great for a long time. But I’m ready to do all the things I love to do.”
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