"Hard Knocks" episode two aired Tuesday night and the Falcons are still pretty ho-hum, as expected. This episode also had less humor than last week's debut, with one big exception. . . .
1. Ricardo Allen’s nickname is “Big Balls”
Allen, a rookie cornerback, did not get this nickname because he’s fearless. He got this nickname because his scrotum is/was literally large.
“The second day of rookie training camp I got hit in the nuts and it’s been horrible,” Allen for some reason tells a “Hard Knocks” camera. “I had to go to the hospital because one of my balls was like four times the size of the other one.”
And here I thought Donte Rump’s “Cupcake” nickname from last week was bad.
At least Allen is able to takes the whole thing in stride. He tells teammates in the locker room: "Everybody in the world is going to be like, 'Ricardo ain't got no pebbles.'" It is never explained why the world would think this so I'm not sure if that's new information about the injury.
"Hard Knocks" narrator Liev Schreiber treats Allen's potentially-traumatizing ordeal with the care and sensitivity it deserves by using it for a lame segue: "Of course sometimes a big pair can come in handy."
At that, we go along for Allen's zip lining adventure with his girlfriend and others. Sadly it as not as fun as it sounds. The highlight comes when Allen’s girlfriend lets slip that Allen has a “superhero” drawer that includes the Superman socks he’s wearing.
Allen expresses concern that the whole world now would know about his superhero drawer. Because that's what people are going to be talking about regarding Allen.
2. Mike Smith is OK with his players fighting sometimes
In the debut episode Smith gave mixed signals about whether he wants his team to fight in practice or not. This week Smith clears things up: The Falcons can fight opponents who give their teammates the business, 15-yard penalty be damned.
(File that one away for the first time the Falcons blow a game because of a personal foul for fighting.)
Before the Falcons practiced against the Titans, we see Smith tell them: “There will be no fighting. If there is your (bleep) will be off the field and you will be fined.” Then Joe Hawley (who else?) promptly gets into a fight and his bleep is kicked off the field.
But when Smith addresses the team later, he says fighting is a bad thing in general “but what Joe did probably was the right thing." Said Smith:
“If somebody is taking advantage of your teammates and you go to his defense, and you send a message that you are playing against, that’s a (bleeping) good penalty. I’m tired, and you guys should be tired of it as well, (the) talking: ‘The Falcons were soft, the Falcons aren’t tough.” Bull (bleep)! We are a physical football team. There are going to be physical confrontations. We want to be the biggest bunch of (jerks) in terms of making it hard for our opponent. All day long.”
So there you have it. The Falcons are tough and physical.
3. Roddy White really wants the Douglases to have a baby
That's Harry Douglas and wife, Kierra. White is shown touching Kierra's stomach as the players greet . Then he touches in the general area of Harry's crotch. This is all very confusing until Harry Douglas explains that White "is trying to pressure us to have kids and he knows we are ready when God wants."
To which Kierra replies to Harry: "I'm ready."
This momentarily freezes Douglas. He appears a bit embarrassed as he glances at the camera before telling his wife: "Hush! The microphone is on you." He laughs but it's one of those nervous laughs.
It's a genuine, human moment that is also kind of awkward.
4. The book on rookie defensive lineman Ra’Shede Hageman is accurate
Here's what an anonymous scout told Bob McGinn of the Journal Sentinel about Hageman, the Falcons' second-round pick, before the draft:
“Those guys on that line at Minnesota played hard. Except him, he's kind of fooling around. He had two sacks the whole year and he's probably the most talented physical specimen in the Big Ten at the position. He has no feel on the pass rush. He just throttles it down whenever he gets stymied. If things don't go he just stops. You've got your hands full coaching him. I just don't think mentally it's there."
Here's what hard Knocks cameras recorded Falcons D-line coach Bryan Cox telling coach Mike Smith on the sidelines about Hageman's poor performance in a scrimmage: “He made some mistakes and then he got tired and then he was mentally weak. So that wasn’t good. I told him I’m disappointed and discouraged but I ain’t defeated. It ain’t good enough.”
Here’s what Cox tells Hageman as they leave a meeting: “I need to see less clown class and more productiveness.”
Maybe Cox is the one to get it out of Hageman, who is shown making a handful of impressive plays in the exhibition game against the Dolphins. The dude is a load to block when he's firing hard.
“I was running to that (bleeping) ball you best believe that,” Hageman tells vet teammate Tyson Jackson on the sidelines. “My effort was on point.”
Jackson, a sixth-year vet, humored the rookie with a high-five.
5. Thomas Dimitroff may need a better work/life balance
It’s not easy to be an NFL general manager. There’s constant pressure to win and improve. Job performance is scrutinized publicly (mostly by people who know much less about your job). Job security is tenuous.
And, as the “Hard Knocks” cameras show Dimitroff telling a Falcons staffer, it takes a lot of hours: “One of the big challenges in this job is the incessant tug on your time. Sometimes it gets out of hand. And yet no one is looking for you to complain. ‘Wait a minute, man, you signed up for it.’”
Sounds rough but I'm guessing the millions of dollars in salary help with that.
Don’t feel too bad for Dimitroff: He managed to find time to sneak away for a three-day mountain bike excursion with disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong. No, really.
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