This story was originally published by The Reckoning.
When Nathan Townsend, 68, extended an invitation to Black gay men in a private Facebook group to attend Disney’s 2019 “The Lion King” live-action remake, he didn’t expect the initial excitement and RSVPs to result in a party of two. Nor did Darriyhan Edmond, 27, when he arrived at the AMC Theater at Camp Creek Marketplace to find himself as one half of an unfamiliar duo.
With a 41-year age difference and vastly different life experiences, the unlikely pair claimed their seats inside of the theater and opened the door to a friendship that neither of them saw coming.
“He was talking louder than the movie was playing. So, that in itself was a moment,” said Edmond. “Even though he’s a lot older than I am, he’s no different from me.”
“It wasn’t intended to be just him and I, but that’s how it played out,” said Townsend.
After the film, the two grabbed dinner at a nearby Chili’s restaurant.
“The things we discussed at the table. No topic was off-limits,” said Edmond. “We were both open and honest about certain things. We shared experiences. It was a connection that automatically happened.”
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
Townsend, a Philadelphia transplant, works as an HIV Prevention Manager. While Edmond, an Indiana native, is an HIV Peer Support Specialist at THRIVE SS. They both relocated to Atlanta in search of community, which Edmond found through Undetectables Atlanta (UA), a private Facebook group that provides support and brotherhood for Black queer men living with HIV.
It was through the THRIVE SS/UA network that the duo soon became a trio.
Enter Thaddeus Works. Works is a 56-year-old retired law enforcement professional whose routine visits to the THRIVE SS headquarters in Southwest Atlanta introduced him to Edmond.
“I met Darriyhan three years ago. He was working with THRIVE SS and I used to come into the office and throw my hands up [in a gesture to say hello],” Works said. “And then one day I was talking to Larry [Walker, Executive Director of THRIVE SS]. I was trying to give Larry a hug, and I opened my arms and Darriyhan came up and hugged me.”
According to Works, Edmond was given a special nickname after other men in their circle began to observe their budding friendship.
“They call him Oba’s baby,” Works said, referring to the Yoruba term Oba, which often precedes his first name and is defined as the ruler or king.
“Now they named him that out of jealousy, but it stuck perfectly,” Works said.
And as far as Edmond was concerned, if he was Oba’s baby, Works was his “Pops.”
“Without him knowing or without it being forced, he had already demonstrated and given me the love and care that a pops would give. So, it just happened naturally,” Edmond said.
Age ain’t nothing but a number
For those observing this rare friendship dynamic, it can be hard to believe that their affection for each other is strictly platonic. The men say it’s common for people to project all kinds of wildly inappropriate ideas about the nature of their friendship.
“I was asked if I was gonna be a sugar daddy. It offended me because they were so shallow,” Works said. “I had to check them real quick, so now we’re respected.”
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
“We realize that is a dynamic that exists, but it is also a dynamic that can be moved out of the way,” Townsend said. “There are relationships and genuine connections on the other side of that, regardless of age.”
Like Works, Townsend says he’s also routinely subjected to a similar line of questioning about his friendship with Edmond, especially in gay bars in Atlanta, which they both frequent.
According to Edmond, when it comes to members of his peer group, age is often the only commonality they share.
“Friendship doesn’t have an age. Sometimes it’s the only thing that we have in common. They showed me that no matter our ages, it didn’t matter in our friendship because it was based on love and respect and just being there for each other,” he said.
And while mutual respect inside the trio is an important ingredient to the success of their friendship, the men say they are not immune to the disrespect that often presents itself as ageism especially in perceived Black queer (safe) spaces.
“There is a protective level of respect that he has for us. He won’t let other young people cross the line,” Townsend said. “The minute he feels they’ve disrespected me because of my age, he’s the first one to go to them and say, he’s still our elder.”
A larger plan
If it were not for the ongoing HIV epidemic in the Black community, perhaps there would be more intergenerational friendships among Black queer men. However, many men who would be elders today died prematurely at the height of the epidemic. It is a reality that Edmond, who has been living with HIV for nearly a decade, Townsend for 38 years, and Works for 18 years, is keenly aware of.
“Because of the diagnosis, there are still those fears of what’s gonna happen tomorrow,” said Townsend. “We just lost a brother, Jerome Hughes. And so every time we see that it seeps into my head, are you gonna be next? Even if I am next, I’m not alone. I don’t have to go through this alone.”
For Edmond, Townsend and Works are living models of what he can expect in his golden years as he ages with HIV.
“Whether it’s about support or adherence tips, I can rely on them to help me to say one day that I’m 68, and I am still living and thriving with HIV,” said Edmond.
“People think that we only give to him, that this is only a one-way relationship—it is not. We give to each other. We pour into each other,” said Townsend.
Credit: CNP
Credit: CNP
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