My Granny Bain was 68 when I was born, so I never knew her as anything but old. Despite our difference in age, she was my best friend, and, thus, I spent much of my formative years in beauty shops and meat-and-threes and anywhere else the geriatrics would gather and dole out their sage advice for anyone with ears.
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
I guess I’ve always been drawn to older people because of this. Though Granny Bain is long gone, I, at 36 years old, still find myself with many friends in their late 60s and 70s. I have an old soul, I reckon, but more than that, I’ve just always enjoyed their temperament and perspective on life. One such friend, Gary Miller of Chickamauga, once said to me, “Son, you can either be right or you can be happy.”
This was his advice to me when I got married. He was 100% right, and though I often fail at putting it into practice, I always at least try and I am greatly rewarded when I do.
I don’t think it means, “It’s OK if your partner is dumb. Just let it go!” Though I’m sure plenty will interpret it that way. To me, it just means that, above all, you should always be kind and the rest will work itself out. Turn the other cheek, if you will.
There is certainly a time to argue and be righteous, but I think we, as a people, have lost sense of when and where that time is. Now, it is all about winning at all costs no matter who or what you leave in your wake. The ole “forget your feelings!” mentality.
Former President Jimmy Carter turns 100 next month. (Don’t worry, I’m not going to preemptively announce a huge birthday party for him. We saw what happened to Betty White, for goodness sake! And, they just had one in Atlanta, anyway. Which he survived, thankfully.)
I bring up Carter not only because I’m on the subject of the elderly but also because he is borderline synonymous with kindness. He is possibly the only Democrat who has the utmost respect from most every Republican I know. From your moderates to the “RINOs” and all the way down to the MAGA folk and the even-more-lunatic fringe, everyone can agree that wherever Jimmy Carter goes, there goes a good man.
When I asked my mom about him, she said, “Terrible president, great human being!” Could you imagine anyone saying that about a modern-day politician? I certainly could not. Nowadays, we consider you moral only if you belong to the exact wing of the political party that we align with. But, more important, it just doesn’t really fit modern-day politicians because everyone nowadays is so dad-gum mean!
It seems to me that some people confuse meanness with good leadership. Or they don’t recognize it as meanness as long as it’s propping up something they believe in. These are the “the truth hurts!” people. They carry on with the belief that you should strive to offend people because that is the true mark of a freedom fighter. The reality is that they need everyone to be as miserable as they are.
I promise that you can get your point across and be kind while doing so. I was raised on “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.” I’ve seen it!
Perhaps the Fred Rogerses and Jimmy Carters of the world are going the way of the dodo bird, replaced instead by red-faced, blowhard talking heads who use the volume of their voice to disguise how insipid their words truly are. Being nice is no longer a virtue but a sign of weakness to those who proudly display that they are an “alpha male” in their social media bios.
I certainly hope that’s not the case, but I can’t really think of a compelling argument against it. It just does not pay to be a decent person anymore. And now, more than ever, we are tethered to that almighty dollar. It’s sad, but a video of someone trashing a movie is gonna get more clicks than one of someone praising it.
We have a sickness that I’m not sure there will ever be a cure for.
I mean, think of it. Jimmy Carter, after his presidency, built houses for poor people. Donald Trump, trying to get himself back into the White House, is lying about immigrants eating people’s cats and dogs. That’s as far from nice as you could get.
As unsexy and cliche as it sounds, I guess we have to just worry about fixing ourselves and be the change we wanna see in the world. What a bummer.
But, for now, we have Jimmy Carter to look up to. Someone who could have cashed speaking checks the rest of his life and wasted away on a private golf course without anyone caring but who instead dedicated his life to helping others and to democracy. Someone who has put country over party many times by giving advice to any new president smart enough to seek it. Someone devout in his religion but who would not condemn you for being otherwise.
Maybe to be a great president anymore you can’t be a decent person. I don’t know.
All I know is that we’d be a lot better off if we had more Jimmy Carters.
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