I’ve seen a lot of pained and even angry chatter on social media about how to sit through a Thanksgiving dinner with relatives who voted for Donald Trump for president or supported MAGA candidates in the 2024 election. On the flip side, I have friends on the conservative spectrum who likewise do not want liberal relatives at their table on Thanksgiving Day.
It is fascinating and stunningly sad to see families allow politics to dictate who is invited to their homes for the holidays and, worse, when families get to a place where their love for one another doesn’t override their passion for a political candidate. I’m old enough to remember when my paternal grandmother had a rule: No politics, no religion spoken in her house during the holidays. She just didn’t allow it. You could say a blessing and you could watch football, but she didn’t allow any drama at the dinner table.
Credit: handout
Credit: handout
Boy, how times have changed.
It’s been disappointing to see social media posts and videos with people wrestling about whether they should talk to their own parents or other family members because of how strongly they disagree politically. This, regrettably, is not going away anytime soon. It’s been brewing since Donald Trump was first elected president in 2016, and it’s only worsened in families, including my own. But there are ways to navigate the holiday season with emotional intelligence, empathy and boundaries.
People feel like the 2024 election was a choice between good and evil, light and darkness, and downright decency and indecency. And people on both sides of the political spectrum felt this way. Some wonder how they can listen to their family gleefully extol the virtues of Trump, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Pete Hegseth and others. On the other side, people wonder how their family members don’t care about illegal immigration, vaccine mandates or inflation.
As we age, we tend to avoid family if family isn’t a safe or comfortable place or if we have bad childhood memories, brutal family fights and unhealed wounds. That can be freeing, or it can be lonely if you haven’t done the work on yourself to honor what you know what you want and need. One of the best tools I’ve learned to use effectively is setting personal boundaries, including with family members. This year, I chose to spend a quiet Thanksgiving with friends at a beach down South. I did so because there are a few people in my family who not only voted for Trump but who are deeply captive to the misinformation echo chamber associated with MAGA world podcasts TV channels. I accepted long ago that there is no way to have a civil conversation with these individuals. I opted out.
So how do you protect yourself and your loved ones and still love your family members in such a politically and racially divisive time? Here are three tips that will absolutely help you. They are outlined in my 2022 book, “Be the One You Need: 21 Life Lessons I Learned Taking Care of Everyone but Me.”
Lesson 1: Do No Harm, Take No Nonsense: If you are hosting this year, you set the rules. And everyone who is in your home and sits at your table must sign a pledge of civility and nonpolitical discourse. It is Rome in your home, and you are the emperor. Do no harm, but be clear you will take no foolishness. Offenders who disrupt or divide will be asked to leave the table.
Lesson 2: Go Where the Love Is: If, like me, you do not want to be with your MAGA or progressive liberal relatives, go where you can find like-minded people who will embrace the gratitude of the season. Go where there is harmony and love. I chose that path this year, and I truly have enjoyed myself.
Lesson 3: Get Out of The Box: You are not a freckle-faced 10-year-old anymore. You are a grown person with your own ideas, and your own beliefs. You respect others, and they should respect you, too. Don’t be boxed in by their labels of who you used to be or who they think you should be.
Bottom line: Your family matters. If you are a close and loving family, a healthy family that respects one another’s autonomy and boundaries, you will do fine. No political differences will break your bonds. My family is not that family, so I stay clear.
Do yourself a favor over the next month, and focus on the joy of the season. Be grateful for what you have. And look forward to the new year ahead and making it the very best that you can.
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