About 700 kids age out of foster care annually here in Georgia. That’s 700 kids who are at disproportionate risk of homelessness, sex trafficking, early parenthood, under-education and underemployment.
That’s 700 kids we could have helped.
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
But because of the way Georgia’s foster care system works, we can’t change that just by increasing adoption rates generally. We need to get more teens adopted. The vast majority of kids available for adoption are, in fact, between ages 11 and 14 — and they’re usually in congregant care.
That means that the kids aging out without a permanent family aren’t leaving foster families, they’re leaving group-care scenarios. When they leave those institutions, they often feel truly and terribly alone in the world. These kids have a history of trauma and adversity behind them and their whole lives ahead of them — and nobody standing beside them.
It’s important to remember that foster care is intended as a temporary solution to a temporary problem. It’s designed to bridge the gap between a family’s hardest moments and the moment its members can be safely reunited. But when reunification isn’t an option, children need permanency more than almost anything else. Stability is key — and lack of stability is a decisive trauma vector.
Adopting an older child can look very different from how some adoptive parents think it will. Older kids have probably lived with a lot of different caregivers over the course of their lives. They’ve had to rely on themselves and might not be looking for mom or dad. But they do need a reliable presence. They need a coach and a cheerleader. They need an ally, a helper, a confidant. They need someone in their corner.
My oldest daughter was 13 years old when she joined our family. She had been in and out of foster care since she was 2. This broken system raised her. She’d experienced foster homes with and without her twin, group homes, kinship care, you name it.
And through all of this, she had taken care of herself. She wasn’t looking for a mama. She had one whom she loved, missed and resented equally.
Of course, when she reached my home, I felt like the clock was ticking – I had five years to pour myself into her. Even though I know adoption is for a lifetime, I recognized that 18 is the magic number for a young adult. That left me just a short five years to help her become an independent young adult. I wanted to prepare her for life outside of my home, to equip her for all that this world would throw at her, whether she called me mom or not. I was “Mrs. Kim” for a long time.
Now, my little girl is parenting her own children. I love to be able to celebrate her successes, but I can’t take credit for them. And an important part of parenting children or teens with trauma is learning to put your heart in that position.
As I train families, I tell them: If your child insists on calling you by your first name, that’s OK. You’re building a relationship of trust and commitment; give it time and space. Trauma-informed foster care and parenting requires support, education and intentionality. More than anything, it requires humility.
Anyone can be a healthy, reliable, healing presence in a teen’s life — and that is, in many ways, their central need. But helping them overcome or offset past trauma takes work. What’s more, it takes a community.
That’s part of why supporting the Georgia teens who age out of foster care every year goes so far beyond simply fostering or adopting them. Every single one of us can show up. Every single one of us can become part of a wraparound community of support.
These young adults need mentorship, support and guidance. They need support finding and securing housing and transportation and continuing their education.
So help make a difference and get started today. Seek out local organizations that work directly to support teens who are at risk of aging out.
Brittney Sherell, for instance, founded “A Suitcase and a Dream” to meet the needs of young people like herself who have aged out of foster care. She spent a decade in foster care and has dedicated her entire life to making sure young adults who aged out of the system know just how valuable — and powerful – they really are.
This is exactly the kind of work that needs to be done. None of us can do it alone, of course — but together, we could prevent hundreds of teens from aging out of foster care without a stable home or network.
It’s time to reduce the number of teens who age out without a family. It’s time to reduce the number of teens who age out without anyone they know is on their side.
They need our help — and anyone, from any part of our state and from any walk of life — can be the person who changes their lives.
Kimberly Offutt serves as executive branch director for Bethany Christian Services of Georgia and Alabama.
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