The story of ‘True Grits’

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I was hoping that four years of Georgian Jimmy Carter in the White House would finally clear up the matter of grits. Grits have been so terribly misunderstood by people who are from parts of the country other than the South.

But, alas, Georgia’s Jimmy is only a few weeks from departing Washington in favor of Californian Ronald Reagan, who wouldn’t know grits from granola, and I fear grits will never cross the gap that has left so many yet unaware of the history and many uses of one of America’s most interesting foods.

As one of the nation’s leading experts on grits (my mother served them every morning for breakfast), all I can do is try to light the way for those still blinded by prejudice and fear.

Grits won’t bite you. Grits taste good and they’re good for you. Just sit back and relax and put yourself in my hands and let’s go.

“DISCOVERING GRITS: GRIZZARD’S GUIDE TO A SOUTHERN DELICACY FOR FOLKS FROM NEWJERSEY AND PLACES LIKE THAT.”

Cherokee Indians, native to the Southern region of the United States, first discovered grits trees growing wild during the 13th century. Chief Big Bear’s squaw, Jemima Big Bear, is said to have been out of oatmeal one day, so she gathered the tiny grits growing from the grits trees and cooked them in water for Chief Big Bear.

After eating the grits, Chief Big Bear ordered his squaw, Jemima, burned at the stake.

Later, however, Southern planter Jim Dandy found grits taste a lot better if you put salt and pepper and butter on them. Grits really took off in the South after that. Today, grits orchards may be seen from the Carolinas to Florida and west to Louisiana.

At some orchards, tourists may “pick their own grits.” If you decide to give it a try, make certain each grit you pick is ripe and firm. Raw grits tend to stick to the roof of your mouth and have been known to choke even large goats.

From the Cherokee word, grayette, which means “corn pebbles.” The Cherokees thought grits were tiny versions of corn. They even tried to make bread from grits, which brought about another big run on squaw- burning.

It is Southern for “blended voices,” as in, “That quartet sure makes nice hominy, don’t it?”

First, go out to your grits trees and pick a peck of grits. Wash, then allow to soak in warm buttermilk for an hour. Add two tablespoons Jack Daniel (Black Label) Tennessee sippin’ whiskey and one cup branch water.

Stir, bake at 450 for approximately one hour. Cover with sawmill gravy, add butter, then salt and pepper to taste. Cheese (Kraft American) optional.

Must be served hot. Cold grits tend to get gummy. You wouldn’t serve cold, gummy grits to Communist sympathizers from New York.

Patching blowouts. Snake bite. Bathroom caulking. In some parts of the South it is even believed grits will grow hair. This is doubtful. Grits do make a delightful party punch, however. Just add more Jack Daniel.

By sending $38.95 for each tree desired to “Grits-a-Grow Grow,” in care of me. Add $15 if you want to take advantage of our special offer for our handy “Grit-Picker,” which will save time and wear and tear on your hands when you go out to gather grits off your new grits tree.

A special brochure outlining how you can purchase valuable vacation property at our new Alligator Point resort in Florida and about six zillion copies of Amy Carter’s Washington Coloring Book. Order now while they last.

Dec. 7, 1980

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