When I was a child we used to tell bossy classmates, “You can’t tell me what to do.” After 1954, those of us who grew up in the South used to hear grown-ups say, “you can’t legislate morality.” They objected to forced integration and resented being “told” what their feelings, values, and beliefs should be.
The civil rights causes of the ‘50s and ’60s led to the women’s movement, which challenged all the traditional understandings of the role of women in the home, family, and workplace. This movement was a particular affront to the fundamentalist south and conservatives generally who did not like being told that their ideas of family values were being legally repudiated by the courts any more than they liked being told to wear seat belts.
These challenges were then followed by the gay movement of the past 25 years or so, culminating in recent times with the right to marry. If this wasn’t enough change, arguably the greatest American athlete of the ‘60s, Bruce Jenner, announced that he was becoming Kaitlyn Jenner, and the face of the latest movement, that of transgendered people.
Along the way, people did not like being told when they could not pray, or that it was wrong to say “Merry Christmas” to a stranger. Each of these movements caused at best begrudging tolerance by many who simply did not agree in their hearts, and a collective accumulation of anger at all of this “political correctness.” You can’t … .
When I first lived in France in 1966, I was asked more than once: Was it true that in America we had frozen vegetables in our refrigerators? The French thought this practice was beyond barbaric. (“Really? You don’t eat fresh vegetables?”) No amount of persuasion about the benefits of freezers and weekly, not daily, shopping could change their minds. You can’t legislate morality any more than you could tell the French they should eat (and like) frozen vegetables. The greatest divide in this country is not between rich and poor, educated and uneducated, or black and white: it is between the experiences and the friends we have in our lives.
The primary reason we have churches, clubs, social groups and political parties is so that we can be with people like ourselves. The truth is, whether we are liberal or conservative, we like to be with people whose prejudices reinforce our own. Some people, particularly those in urban areas, have a much wider and broader view of humanity than those who live in more-rural areas. They have actual friends and neighbors at home or at work who are gay, of a different ethnic background or religion, and more importantly, have the same values.
The legal history of recent years has been an inexorable progression to extend rights to all people. But, those who did not have these inclusive backgrounds and experiences have been offended by each step. Since their views, in fact, have been the views of Western civilization throughout history, they resented being told they were now wrong, narrow, racist, or just plain ignorant. And that is what we told them. No one likes to be told they’re wrong.
And then along came Trump. The Donald is not a white Southern racist, nor is he as narrow a person as he appears or has been portrayed. He is a Machiavellian realist who has capitalized on the anger that has been experienced by a great many in the country (not just the South) who have found themselves being legally forced to accept views which they do not share, and which are not a part of their daily experience, or of their neighbors. Trump has articulated and captured the anger and resentment of so many Americans who have not seen “political correctness” or “inclusiveness” as anything other than an attempt by others to legislate or coerce their attitudes and behaviors – to tell them what to do. His freedom in mocking everyone from U.S. Sen. John McCain to ethnic groups gave voice and vicarious pleasure to countless numbers. Finally, in Trump they had a person who expressed their anger and their views and who became acceptable to support. The fact that Bible-carrying Southerners would vote for a thrice-married, out-of-wedlock father, who was at times rude and unmannered, shows the depth of their anger and resentment.
Those grownups were right: you can’t legislate morality and no one likes people to tell us what to do. And as we all know, the arc for justice is bending, but slowly. Remember: In this country slavery existed until 150 years ago, and women didn’t vote until my father was 14 years old. The arc for the human heart trails the legal one, and so, sadly, it will just take longer.
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