Clearly, the coronavirus is testing everyone’s patience and resolve. Yet, amid the uncertainty, a resilient spirit thrives.
To provide a bit of a diversion from the news around us, we’ve asked our community contributors to share their personal stories of optimism during these troubling times.
Their stories will appear weekly. We hope you find them inspirational. We hope they provide you with some perspective. And we hope they remind you, as captured in some of their personal stories, that we are all in this together.
‘Times have changed’
Should I stay or should I go now?
That classic line from The Clash resonates with me today.
The last time I remember going out was to an Atlanta United game on March 7. I loved connecting with a friend amid the flash of red and black.
Times have changed. No more games.
But The Clash’s question remains relevant. Should I go to work? The doctor? The Beltline? Should I go see my relative who’s alone across town?
For so many of us, particularly men, staying put is difficult. We’ve learned the classic cowboy line by heart: “Let’s go.” Got to go to work. Got to be productive. If I don’t go, who am I?
I’m an instructor at Men Stopping Violence where we work with men who are learning to be OK with the understanding that – ultimately – we can’t control our partners or anyone else.
As I struggle with our current unknowns, I’ve been looking for guidance the lessons we share at Men Stopping Violence.
One lesson that I keep returning to is reframing what success looks like.
Productivity may not be possible. Some of us can’t work. Others of us – our productivity is disrupted as the kids burst in from the other room.
Or, paradoxically, some of us are now working longer hours from home. As if we have something to prove. We’re home, but we’re still struggling to be present.
Rather than productivity and control, what about a new measuring stick? How do I measure my actions and make the right choices during this pandemic?
Here’s a question that Ulester Douglas, the associate director at Men Stopping Violence, asks us to consider often when making decisions: Are my choices respectful of others and of myself?
Considering that question has really helped me figure out the answer to whether I should stay or go. (Spoiler alert: Most often, I stay.)
More importantly, the question also helps me figure out how to stay.
If I can answer yes – that my choice is respectful of others and of myself – then I know I have made a good call, regardless of the outcome.
If so, I can stay and be present.
Greg Loughlin is director of community engagement at Men Stopping Violence, a local nonprofit. He lives in East Atlanta. Would you like to learn more about Men Stopping Violence? You can join The Huddle – a free service where men can connect with each other and learn more about connecting with the people and communities we care about during the pandemic. Visit www.menstoppingviolence.org
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