If you’ve ever had any doubts about the devastating and long-term impact bullying can have, consider for a moment Vivian Gerow.
She is seated in a sparsely furnished conference room with two other members of Hadassah Greater Atlanta on the fifth floor of a Dunwoody office tower, where they have gathered to share details of an upcoming forum on the subject.
They’d barely begun when I wondered out loud if any of them had themselves been the victim of a bully.
Gerow answers yes but then suggests it happened so long ago no one could possibly care.
I suggest she might be wrong. Tell me about it, I ask her.
She hesitates then recalls the day when in the second grade a boy named Harvey pinned her against a wall and made insulting comments.
“He did taunt me and tease me incessantly in the schoolyard for weeks, making nasty remarks, before he pinned me against the wall.”
Tears well in her eyes and she stops, surprised by her own pain.
Gerow is 69 years old and a long way from second grade, but talking about the incident makes her feel like that little girl again. Still horrified. Still hurting.
Who cares she was bullied all these years later?
Plenty of people.
In recent years, educators, pediatricians and parents have worried a great deal about bullying and the effects it can have on children. We all should be worried because it can happen to any of us.
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“Anecdotally, adults from all walks of life say they were bullied as a child,” said Sheila Dalmat, president of Hadassah’s Atlanta chapter. “They’ve either been through it or they know someone who has.”
How bad is it?
According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, more than one out of every five students, or 20.8 percent, report being bullied. Thirty-three percent of students who reported being bullied at school indicated that they were bullied at least once or twice a month during the school year. Of those students who reported being bullied, 13 percent were made fun of, called names, or insulted; 12 percent were the subject of rumors; 5 percent were pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on; and 5 percent were excluded from activities on purpose.
Credit: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Credit: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It used to be bullying ended at the schoolyard. Not anymore. Now it’s possible for bullies — thanks to technology — to be in your face 24/7.
A new poll released early this month by The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research and MTV found that roughly three-quarters of 15- to 26-year-olds say that online bullying and abuse is a serious problem for their peers. Seven percent say they have already been a victim of cyberbullying, with young women more likely to say they were bullied than young men.
And so this being National Bullying Prevention Month, Dalmat said the time was right to host a forum on the topic.
“Bullying is very much in the news right now,” Dalmat said. “It’s an ongoing problem that destroys lives every day. We wanted to do something constructive to not only help the victims but the perpetrators.”
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That’s a big part of Hadassah’s mission to support medical care and research at the Hadassah Medical Organization in Jerusalem and engage and empower Jewish women, who want to help build a healthier, safer and more equitable world.
The forum, open to the public and scheduled to begin at 2 p.m. Oct. 28 at Temple Beth Tikvah in Roswell, promises to explain, among other things, what bullying and cyberbullying is, how to identify the warning signals, and how it affects learning and self-esteem and can lead to depression and even suicide.
Looking back, Gerow said as an only child and someone who spent a lot of time alone, she was ripe for the picking.
“It’s funny how things from so many years ago can linger,” Gerow would say later. “They don’t go away.”
She soon smiles remembering her mother grabbing her by the hand and marching next door to Harvey’s home, where she exposed his deeds to his parents. His bullying actions stopped after that.
Not every child has that kind of support, unfortunately. Only 36 percent of kids who have been bullied have reported it. This means that 64 percent of kids who struggled with a bully decided not to report it to an adult because they didn’t know it was bullying, they were ashamed, they didn’t think it would do any good, because they didn’t think anyone would be believe them or all of the above.
“Our goal is for people to feel more hopeful, they will know how to respond and where to go for resources,” Dalmat said. “If we have just one aha moment, that will be a huge success.”
Find Gracie on Facebook (www.facebook.com/graciestaplesajc/) and Twitter (@GStaples_AJC) or email her at gstaples@ajc.com.
EVENT PREVIEW
Forum on bullying
2 p.m. Oct. 28. $5 optional donation. Temple Beth Tikvah, 9955 Coleman Road, Roswell. hadassah.org/atlanta.
