“I am a terrible mom.”
“What am I doing wrong?”
I would be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every time these thoughts crossed my mind while raising my children.
Indeed, I am in good company when I say motherhood is much harder than expected.
It is undoubtedly a divine assignment that every woman should take with the utmost commitment and care. However, even those of us who seek God daily for direction and strength and have shelves filled with books about raising children have often found ourselves exhausted in pursuing the elusive perfect formula for raising champions.
While pursuing “putting their children first,” some moms forget that this is not the order God envisioned for his children. Our children are not our top priority. God is.
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus in the Gospel of St. Matthew – Chapter 22
Gale Sayers, renowned for his prowess as a Chicago Bears running back, penned his autobiography during the 1970s under the title “I am Third.” The choice of title stemmed from his philosophy toward life. During his sophomore year at the University of Kansas, he encountered a sign on his track coach’s desk, Bill Easton, bearing the inscription “I am Third.”
Easton explained the sentence’s significance as prioritizing the Lord first, followed by others, and then oneself. Sayers adopted the tenet, even crafting a medallion engraved with the phrase “I am third,” which he wore around his neck throughout his NFL career.
The “I Am Third” philosophy certainly aligns with Jesus’ commandment in the Gospels, where he pinpointed that this principle is at the heart of the teachings of the law and the prophets.
However, when it comes to moms, there is no doubt that the last two words in the commandment are often neglected: “as yourself.” Indeed, it is not uncommon for women who prioritize their children to fail to obey the command to “love themselves.”
One of the most interesting recent conversations for my podcast was with author Alli Worthington. Worthington is the mother of five boys who also found success in her career as a speaker, podcaster, life business coach, and author.
Her newly released book, “Remaining You While Raising Them — The Secret Art of Confident Motherhood,” is both refreshing and challenging to women trapped in comparison and “mom guilt” cycles.
Worthington had been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years when her husband lost his job after the 2008 recession. The family lost their home, savings, and almost everything they owned. She knew she had to start contributing to the family’s finances. She started a business and, a few months later, was able to start earning enough income to help the family’s budget.
Through the process, Worthington also struggled with comparing her performance as a mom with others and the guilt that often plagues so many women. Her experience prompted her to intentionally help women find their calling, whether inside or outside of their homes, while not neglecting to take care of themselves so that they can adequately care for others.
While preparing to write her new book, Worthington surveyed over 1,000 moms. The survey encompassed both homemakers and working moms, and the result was surprising. Ninety-five percent of moms said that they struggle with “mom guilt.” More than half admit they experience guilt daily or several times a week.
The results strengthened Worthington’s determination to help women reframe their understanding of the importance of caring for themselves to better serve their families.
She wrote the book to help women understand that God never intended for a woman’s identity to rest solely in her role as a mother and help them escape the comparison trap.
As we navigate the challenging waters of motherhood, we must remember to extend grace to ourselves when we fail and make time to care for our body, mind, and spirit. Only then can we truly love our families as God intended.
May we learn to release the burden of perfection, lean on God’s grace, and journey forward with love and resilience, knowing that in his eyes, we are already enough.
To listen to Patricia’s interview with Alli, search God-Sized Stories with Patricia Holbrook on all podcast platforms or YouTube. You can find “Remaining You While Raising Them” anywhere books are sold.
Patricia Holbrook is a columnist, author, podcaster and international speaker. Visit her new website: www.PatriciaHolbrook.com. For speaking engagements and comments, email patricia@PatriciaHolbrook.com.
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