Valentine’s Day, or the Feast of Saint Valentine, originated as a Christian celebration to honor a martyr named Valentine. It is unclear which saint the feast celebrated initially, as there are several martyrdom stories associated with Catholic priests named “Valentine.”
History records celebrations of the Feast of Saint Valentine on Feb. 14 as early as the 8th century. But it wasn’t until the 14th and 15th centuries that the day became associated with romantic love. Since then, especially during the 19th century, celebrating love on Valentine’s Day has become an international tradition.
“I love you.”
When I first moved to America, I was surprised by how often Americans used that sentence.
In my culture, and many others around the world, not many people say “I love you” often. I don’t remember telling a friend I loved them unless we had been friends for many years. And then, still, we would say it on special occasions or simply write it on birthday cards.
Parents didn’t frequently tell their kids they loved them.
Boyfriends and girlfriends would not say “I love you” until they were confident the feeling was mutual.
And even though I am indeed grateful for a culture that nurtures the expression with easy abandon, I am afraid we often proclaim love without comprehending true love’s width, depth and height.
True love, whether the love for a friend, spouse or child, is best described by the apostle Paul in his first letter to the Corinthian church, Chapter 13:
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
The type of love Paul describes is a tall order. It cannot possibly grow as fast as we proclaim it. Instead, it is a tried and true, enduring type of love.
In his book “The Four Loves,” while exploring romantic love (“eros”) in one of its chapters, C.S. Lewis writes:
“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. Love is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God. On this love the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.”
The love Paul describes in the well-known passage of his letter to the Corinthians serves as the grid through which love should pass. Whether between a couple, family members or friends, it is the most profound manifestation of selfless character, the most beautiful realization of God-centered love.
But it is in the practicality of Lewis’ realization that romantic love finds its resting place. Habits, grace and deliberate selflessness that come when a couple’s union is rooted in God make a marriage enter life’s inevitable storms and emerge stronger than before.
I recently met a couple who know the concept well.
On Valentine’s Day, Grammy-winning Christian music artist Rebecca St. James and her husband, Cubbie Fink, release their memoir “Lasting Ever: Faith, Music, Family & Being Found by True Love.”
During our conversation, St. James and Fink shared about their book and their deeply personal journey of faith, love and marriage. Through candid storytelling, the book offers insights into the mountaintop experiences and profound challenges the couple has faced — sharing how God-centered decisions and perspective strengthened their bond.
Their story is relatable to anyone who has experienced tried and true, enduring romantic love — the kind that withstands the weight of time and trials. This type of love is a daily choice, a lifetime of selfless acts, a commitment to seek the good of another beyond our own.
This Valentine’s Day, may we reflect on how well we love. May we, too, embrace a love that is selfless, steadfast, and rooted in truth — one that endures far beyond beautiful words written on a card.
Patricia Holbrook is a columnist, author, podcaster and international speaker. Visit her new website: patriciaholbrook.com. For speaking engagements and comments, email patricia@patriciaholbrook.com.
Listen to the interview with St. James and Fink — God-Sized Stories with Patricia Holbrook — on podcast platforms or YouTube. Find “Lasting Ever” anywhere books are sold.
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