For better or for worse, dating later in life can be vastly different from dating during younger years. Many older singles have new or different goals and desires for their relationships compared to when they were younger.
Some people who are dating in their 50s, 60s, or later may be doing so for the first time in decades due to a divorce or death of a significant other. It can be challenging to navigate when norms and expectations have changed so much with technology and social mores.
Credit: ABC
Credit: ABC
Experiences of ‘golden’ dating
Sandra Mason, 75, of Doraville is a retired single mother who has experience dating as an older adult. The former real estate professional competed as a contestant on “The Golden Bachelor,” the reality dating show that paired one bachelor, Gerry Turner, 72, with 22 women in their golden years to vie for true love.
Mason survived several rose ceremonies, or elimination rounds, and made it to the top 6 before being cut in episode five. While her reality TV adventure didn’t produce a love match, Mason reflects positively on the experience and walked away with yet more perspectives on dating and relationships for older adults.
Credit: Disney
Credit: Disney
For Mason, being a part of the show helped inspire her to remain hopeful about dating, and it reinforced to her that love is “not just possible, it’s probable!
“I am worthy, I know that I am still viable, I still have desires, I’m desirable, I’m motivated!” she said. “You don’t have to be on TV to feel that. We all have a place in life (and love) and there’s a partner for each of us.”
On dating later in life, Mason believes in being open-minded, and open-hearted to a variety of types of people and activities.
“Atlanta is a very diverse city,” Mason said, noting it offers many options for dating for people of all races, cultures, religions, ages, and orientations.
In addition to meeting people traditionally in person, Mason has tried blind dating, double dating, speed dating, and online dating, before being on “The Golden Bachelor.” She’s dated off and on since her divorce in the 1990s and had a few successful relationships over the years. She hopes to find her true love with whom to share the rest of her life.
Credit: The Walt Disney Company
Credit: The Walt Disney Company
The challenges
Mason warns singles to be hyper-aware of potential red flags and pay attention to behaviors, not just words. Some red flags she’s encountered over the years include men who misrepresent themselves, who don’t have sincere intentions, or who are dishonest. She emphasized that the converse also happens to her male friends who date.
Also, dating later in life becomes even more of a “numbers game.”
“There are fewer men in this age group numerically speaking,” Mason said. “Statistically, women live longer. Women take care of themselves more carefully medically. Men often don’t follow up on potential health issues, for example.”
Meeting people
Mason advises seeking people who have similar goals and desires as yours, and people who want similar things from a relationship.
“Go to a ‘target-rich’ environment,” she said. “Once you’ve determined the type of person you’re attracted to, go to a place where those types of people tend to be.”
For example, if fitness is your passion, join a gym, running club, or walking group. If you’re an avid photographer, join a photography group.
With online dating, you can conveniently meet people while sitting in your home on your laptop. However, online dating makes it easier for people to scam you or misrepresent themselves, and “it doesn’t eliminate the need for other types of dating,” Mason said. It’s still beneficial to meet people in real life.
“We still need contact and connection through friends and relatives to help facilitate meeting new people,” Mason said. “Double dating can be fun because it takes the pressure off. Blind dating can be fun because you never know what you’re going to get!”
Dating while balancing a full family life, household, grandchildren, and possibly a career also can be challenging. Mason famously missed her daughter’s wedding to be on “The Golden Bachelor.” During one episode, Turner and Mason face-timed her daughter from the set on her wedding day. Mason said she’s fortunate that her daughters, ages 51 and 38, are so supportive of her finding love.
Even though filming conflicted with her daughter’s wedding, Mason says her daughter told her, “I’ve got my guy, now you go get yours!”
Expert advice
Jennifer Miotke, a professional matchmaker and president of One on One Matchmaking service in Atlanta, echoes many similar sentiments and tips for dating later in life.
“Being open to activities — having a sense of adventure, keeps you fun and youthful,” Miotke said. She’s observed this makes you more attractive and interesting to others as well.
One on One Matchmaking helps people of all ages find love, and one of their most rapidly growing segments of clientele includes singles in their 50s, 60s, and 70s, according to Miotke. In her experience with clients, she feels that 30s-50s are possibly the toughest age range for dating. People in that middle range “may still be reeling from a divorce,” she said, or they may be working through emotional baggage. They’re often set in their ways. However, she agrees with Mason that there’s more freedom in dating in your 60s and beyond. People in their 60s and 70s “don’t have all these (self-imposed) rules” about dating and relationships, Miotke said.
The key to dating later in life, according to Miotke, is to “get outside your comfort zone! Say YES to more activities — YES to more things — and YES to more people,” she said.
You can do things today that you never have done or thought you’d never do. Miotke said the thought process she sees that is most destructive to dating and meeting new people at any age is “I would NEVER do something like that.” Or “That kind of thing is not for me.”
A professional matchmaker can be a helpful resource for dating. In addition to vetting dates and prescreening for positive matches, a matchmaking service will also guide you along the process. As experts in dating and relationships, professional matchmakers can help you be the most positive version of yourself and help you represent yourself in the most positive way while meeting new people selected for you.
Another tip from Miotke is not to procrastinate. She sees clients postpone dating until after they lose weight, until after they get a new wardrobe, or after they get a new job.
“You can still do all of these things while you’re dating — why wait? You can work on yourself and meet people, at the same time!”
Another mistake Miotke frequently observes is people ruling out first dates based on preconceived notions or past experiences. She says, go on the date. “The worst that can happen is, you have one bad date.”
If the date is horrible, you can certainly move on. “But don’t rule someone out before even spending time with them,” she said.
Mason agrees. Unless there are serious red flags, she’s open to a first date to get to know someone and rule them in or out. Some of her friends call her “Queen of First Dates,” she said.
When dating as an older adult, Miotke and Mason advise letting go and having fun.
“As golden as we are, we all come with baggage,” Mason said. “That’s not something you want to expose right away. Everyone you meet is going to have some. So keep the initial conversations light and fun. You’ll have plenty of time to discuss more serious things later.”
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