Put a Martha Stewart-approved wardrobe on a buxom blonde with a pie hole salty enough to make Don Rickles blush. That's comedian Lisa Lampanelli in a capsule. The self-proclaimed "Queen of Mean," performing Saturday, Aug. 9 at The Tabernacle, has recently chalked up sizable fame, most notably as a go-to-gal for Comedy Central's celebrity roasts and as a hold-her-own guest on Howard Stern's bluer-than-blue satellite radio show.
Now with an upcoming HBO special, an HBO pilot executive produced by fellow comic Jim Carrey and a HarperCollins tome, Lampanelli is proving she's more than just a potty-mouth flash in the pan. She spoke to us over the phone about her upcoming projects, getting personal with rapper LL Cool J and mastering the art of the roast.
You have Broadway aspirations. Explain.
I met a Rockette at my hair salon, and my Puerto Rican homosexual hairdresser said we should hook up. She's going to teach me how to be a Broadway star. So if my HBO sitcom fails, I will be on Broadway in the remake of "Annie" as Miss Hannigan. That's at least my dream ... I'm totally a gay man. You can tell by my outfits ... that I'm a drag queen.
The potential HBO series could be huge.
The writer just wrote the outline of the first episode and sent it to me, and it's unbelievable. I was crying because it was so freaking great. Hopefully HBO will like the pilot and pick it up. ... Jim Carrey always wanted to put a show out there that shows how a comedy club really is. You can't do a sitcom about a comedy club, because comedy clubs are so tragic. The comics are totally dysfunctional, 90 percent of them are addicts, 90 percent of them have been molested as kids. ... So there's this world of sickos who have been brought together in this comedy club, and I'm the house mom to these psychos. ... It's more or less one big dysfunctional family of freaks.
You've become a regular on these Comedy Central celebrity roasts.
Well, I'm the best. What can I say? It's a gift. ... Nobody's holding a candle. The other comics don't want to follow me, so I have to go last. ... I like insulting people. ... I'm missing the next roast, my first one in five years. So I'm very saddened. They're roasting Bob Saget, so I don't think I'll be missing that much.
Are there ever any hurt feelings at these roasts?
I heard through the grapevine that Katt Williams was mad at some of us for making fun of his height. My feeling is, get a mirror. You know you're short, you should prepare for those kind of jokes. ... I also heard that Bea Arthur was a little upset during the Pam Anderson roast and left halfway through. She said she was sick. She's elderly, so who knows. She didn't even show up for Estelle Getty's funeral recently, so maybe she's just halfway in the ground.
You just did a string of promos for MTV with LL Cool J. How was that?
It was really cool. I had to dress up like Kathy Bates from "Misery," and they had it all set up like the "Misery" set. He was strapped to the bed, and I got to break his ankles. And then I got to rub on him and force him to lick his lips. ... I didn't get to kiss him or anything, which was a huge disappointment for him I'm sure, because I could do better. I'm totally hot.
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