I was a 7-year-old at the dinner table with my three brothers when I realized how much children study the world around them, even when we assume they’re oblivious. My baby brother, up until then a mostly silent pile of pudginess covered in peas, looked at my mother with a devilish grin and proceeded to mimic her daily attempts to impart basic table manners.
Plopping his dimpled elbows on his high chair tray, he proclaimed, “No bows, no bows.”
It was my brother’s first recognizable phrase and convinced me that children watch and learn from everyone and everything.
Of late, I’m not sure that’s a good thing in view of the coarsening of America, even the race for president. In 2016, Donald Trump ushered in a new age of political theater where mudslinging replaced statesmanship, and the appearance of opponents and their spouses became fair game. Vice President Kamala Harris is his current target. He’s attempted several derogatory nicknames for her, including “Laffin’ Kamala” and “Crazy Kamala.” He’s also dubbed her “Dumb as a Rock” Kamala Harris and often mispronounced her name as “Kamabla.”
So I wasn’t surprised when Trump announced at a recent rally, “I’m a better-looking person than Kamala.” Nor were Americans taken aback when Trump questioned Harris’ heritage, saying, “I didn’t know she was Black, until a number of years ago, when she happened to turn Black, and now she wants to be known as Black. So I don’t know, is she Indian or is she Black?”
His running mate, U.S. Sen. JD Vance, R-Ohio, just laughed off the resurfacing of his 2021 quip that “a bunch of childless cat ladies” would be the ruin of America. “Obviously, it was a sarcastic comment. I’ve got nothing against cats,” said Vance on a radio show in July.
We may want to believe kids don’t pick up on the incivility, the insults and the innuendos. But interviews with kids ages 5 to 11 before and after the 2016 presidential contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton and Trump revealed they paid attention to political messages and the attitudes of their parents and their community.
In a 2016 survey by the Southern Poverty Law Center of teachers about the “Trump effect” on their classrooms, a respondent said, “As we work to teach the negative impact of bullying, students are watching presidential hopefuls bully one another.”
Children are also exposed to 24/7 news cycles dominated by politics. A Reddit forum devoted to unexpected first words included this parent comment: “My fifth child’s first word was ‘Iowa.’ We don’t even live in Iowa. It was political primary season and all over the news.”
Increasingly, teachers face disrespect from students. In a Pew Research Center survey released in April, 68% of teachers experienced verbal abuse from their students, such as being yelled at or verbally threatened.
In the 2023 Youth Right Now survey, 40% of children ages 9 to 18 said they were bullied on school property in the past year. The blame has fallen on the coronavirus pandemic, and the loss of social skills from interrupted schooling and remote learning.
I wonder if kids are observing the rewards and admiration our leaders earn for bad behavior and bullying. Trump’s harsh and demeaning comments don’t spur censure from his audiences; the remarks spark applause for “telling it like it is” and “refusing to back down.” I expect to see that Tuesday night when Trump and Harris debate.
Even social network sites designed to build community have turned into virtual shouting matches where neighbors snipe at one another over uncut lawns and unleashed dogs. On my local Nextdoor network, it gets ugly fast when the discussion turns to how to manage coyotes or whether outdoor cats are a menace.
What we need, perhaps, is a resurgence of the tenets of Miss Manners who rues the decline of decorum in modern politics, noting, “Instead of civil conversation, discussion and debate, we have wholesale denunciations and personal insults.”
With young children watching and learning, we all could benefit by reminders to keep a civil tongue and our elbows off the table.
About the Author
