'Survivor': Julie McGee explains her decision

UPDATE: 12:06 p.m. I just spoke with Julie. She has no regrets over her decision. "I was depleted in every facet," she told me. She said she was shocked seeing herself on screen in starvation mode. "I was dragging my words and rubbing my eyes," she said.

She knew she was not a target to go home at that moment but felt she just needed to go.

Media who were out there (including ew.com) felt like she would suffer without creature comforts. (Even Jeff Probst and the show had questions about her fitness to last the entire 40 days.) But based on the first 15 days or so, she seemed to survive okay, although one night with rain minus a tarp caused her to complain mightily last week. Overall, we actually didn't see her all that much because her teams tended to win immunity challenges so we didn't see her strategize or do much of anything beside beat her own boyfriend in a reward challenge.

From the merge feast prior to quitting, she had saved some trail mix. Or as some viewed it, she "stole" it or "hoarded" it away from others. Wes called her move deeply "selfish." Jon called it "ridiculous." Others ate as much of it as they could while she is gone.

When she returned, she sensed she had been found out and felt badly. But she also didn't acknowledge what she had done.

During the immunity challenge, Julie was out third. Keith won first individual immunity.

Jeremy was disgusted because he dropped the ball before Julie.

Julie was still feeling bad about the trail mix but unwilling to admit it. "I can't get my head back in the game," she told Missy. She suggested for Julie to hang in there because they were part of an alliance.

But she knew what she had to do. She summoned host Jeff Probst. She told him she missed John, that they were never apart more than four days. He compared it to be no worse than summer camp. "We know we can leave people we love," he said. "Do you feel you're out of this game?"

She said she felt judged like "Mean Girls."

Probst told the remaining castmates the news. Jeremy was bummed because Julie was part of his alliance. "How can somebody do that?" Natalie said. Missy: "I wish I could have talked to her one more time." Jeremy: "It pisses me off. It's ridiculous."

Jon felt like she dug herself in a hole and didn't do much for the crew. Jacyln said they knew about the trail mix scandal, too.

"This is mentally exhausting," she said on the show after she quit. "I think I'm going to have to deal with a lot of backlash. I'm the one living it. I was the one not eating. I was the one close to dehydration. I was the one in the heat. I was the one missing my loved one with no communication for three weeks. Only I know how tough this was for me."

Credit: Rodney Ho

Credit: Rodney Ho

Alas, her quitting prevented us from seeing a showdown between Josh and Jeremy, which is inevitable at a future date. There were signs that Jeremy might have been blindsided. He's been a sharp game player but this is a wake-up call. He now feels truly vulnerable.

In a follow-up interview, Julie said she thought the whole "trail mix" scandal was overblown. She said during the merge feast, she and Missy grabbed extra food. She just kept some trail mix. Big deal! Oddly, she said nobody brought it up to her but just gave her the stink eye.

While she admitted she wasn't queen strategist, we saw very little if any of her talks with her castmates about the game. As noted, it was mostly because her team tended to win challenges. She was rarely in a position of vulnerability before the merge.

She said she held up well until that night without the tarp. She said she tried hard not to be a wuss and complain. That was the one night she slipped. "I'm a small person," she said. "I get cold easy."

Julie said when Jeremy (back from Exile Island in an earlier episode) characterized John Rocker as a mastermind on his tribe, she was surprised. So she was heartened to learn on air that this was not the case. She was in an alliance with Jeremy but ultimately didn't trust him because he seemed to be making deals and talking to everyone.

Among the people she was closest to was Natalie, although she was the one who spent a good time yelling at John about the Sports Illustrated article after the immunity challenge three weeks ago. "I understood where she was coming from," Julie said. "As for John, when someone comes at him, he doesn't back down."

At the same time, with everyone critiquing John, "I felt every targeted and chastised," she said.

She said after she quit, she went over to the Ponderosa where eliminated castmates were staying and immediately hugged and kissed John. She said she cried and showered and moved forward. (If she had waited longer, she would not have been able to see John immediately because the contestants on the jury were separated from those eliminated earlier.)

Ultimately, she said it took another month after returning from Atlanta to get her head on straight. Physically, she said she was able to get back into gear relatively quickly.

Her spray-tanning business, she added, is doing very well. All the film business going on here hasn't hurt, she said.

For those who didn't read Jeff Probt''s take, here's a smidge:

Credit: Rodney Ho

Credit: Rodney Ho

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