Upcoming exams stressing out your house? Therapist has tips to calm it down

“We fall into the trap of dismissing or minimizing,” Baumstein told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Instead, parents should attempt to find the root of the stress, even if it is coming from parental pressure.

“What is your goal for your child? What does success look like?” Baumstein asked. “Do you want them to be in a state of constant anxiety?”

Many parents focus on outcomes when it comes to the academic performance of their children, but Baumstein warns against that. She asks parents to evaluate what’s driving their behavior in relation to their kids getting good grades, saying they should “focus on the effort” instead of the outcome.

“What kids are hearing, then, is my worth is connected to that. My love and my acceptance is connected to what I accomplish, which is kind of dangerous because then they’re gonna hustle for that,” Baumstein said. “If they feel like anything’s getting in the way of it, they’re gonna do anything they can to prevent that.”

Instead of praise based on academic outcomes, Baumstein implores parents to give praise like “I’m really proud of how hard you’re working” instead.

What does academic stress look like in children?

It can be hard to detect signs of academic stress and anxiety and to parse them out from the other emotional issues that affect school-age children, but there are a few key signs to look out for.

Baumstein recommends parents look at behavior as communications. In young children, there might be stomach aches, headaches and other physical pains without a medical cause. In older children, behaviors can be more complex.

“There might be some avoidance behaviors,” Baumstein told the AJC. “They might not directly talk about it, but there may be some procrastination, like you notice they’re refusing to get dressed, they’re trying to miss the bus, they’re trying to delay.”

Mood changes or shifts in sleeping and eating habits can also be signs that academic anxiety has gotten out of control. Spending less time doing activities they used to enjoy can be another sign that worrying about school has gotten excessive.

Parents should also take note if their child is acting out at school frequently, whether that means getting into fights or trying to be the class clown.

“Maybe someone thinks they have ADHD because they can’t focus. But a lot of times, what’s underneath some of this behavior is just anxiety,” Baumstein said. “So, for instance, the kid that’s procrastinating, it’s not that they can’t do it — it’s that they might not want to start because they’re so worried about failing. That’s anxiety.”

How can parents and guardians open up a dialogue?

If you feel your child is being affected by academic anxiety, the first and best thing you should do is open up a dialogue with them.

“A really great starting point for pretty much any conversation with your kids is asking a very open-ended question,” Baumstein told the AJC. “We don’t want to make assumptions about what’s on their mind. We don’t want to put our own stuff onto them. We don’t want to lead them in some way. We don’t want to assume.”

Ask how they are feeling instead of how they are doing, as that might lead to further stress about upcoming assignments.

“And this is the hardest part. We really have to show a lot of restraint and just listen. Just listen. Give them the space to talk. And really think about listening to understand, not listening to respond,” Baumstein told the AJC. “That’s a big, big difference.”